"it" just moved
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
