Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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