Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
