I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
