Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
