I love black thongs
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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