do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
this is an emotional support booty call
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
