My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I love having hate sex.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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