Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
