my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
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