C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
