I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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