This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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