Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
