I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
