I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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