Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
