Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
