I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
