I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
