So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
