The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
