people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
