Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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