Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
