if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
