Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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