so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
