Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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