hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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