Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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