oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
