she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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