yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Rumble strips road head = magical
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
