why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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