we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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