Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
