I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
