I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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