She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
