I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
