If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
