the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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