She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
