omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
