this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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