that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
