Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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