Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
