I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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