i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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