Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
