fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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