i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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