why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
